You know what I hate? Exercise…which is somewhat counterintuitive because that’s what i’m talking about in this blog. No i’m not talking about running or sit ups or pushups i’m talking about the whole concept of exercise. You see, when I look at a thin person I think.
“Wow, you must think i’m a fat looser with no self control” not, “Hey can you show me how you did that?” The latter of which being the most logical question when seeing said thin person. I think that most of the time, that feeling of self deprecation and a lack of genuine interest comes from my misconception of exercise. Because when I was growing up, I was picked on quite a bit. I’m a tall person, about 6’4″ and when I was younger, people seemed to find that reason enough to make me feel bad. It also happens that most of these people were athletes. Now this coincidence has led me to a conclusion that has followed me for most of my life, Athletes in any shape or form are assholes and they only exist to make me feel bad about myself.
I know this is a misconception and that it’s caused by my brief, albeit traumatizing exposure to a group of assholes who had a common interest in football and bullying. However I feel like this type of experience is not singular to me. I’ve heard my story replicated from people all over the country and world, and it goes roughly like this.
“When I was growing up I was different (tall, short, fat, skinny, black, white, hispanic, a girld, a boy) and a bunch of athletes (football, soccer, basketball, track etc.) made me feel bad about it.” This is not new or news. However the one thing that most of these tormentors have in common is their requirement for exercise due to their inclusion on some manner of athletic team. Whether this was because of their coaches being dick heads, their parents being jerks or some combination of the two. You can generally pick out people who were marginalized and attacked as children two ways: They are out of shape, and they try every way they know how to have as little as possible to do with organized team sports. This creates a problem for people like me and others like me when it comes to getting healthy. We automatically equate fitness with becoming an asshole.
This is a concept that I am doing my best to change but I would be lying if I said that I do not feel judged when I enter the gym. Most of the other attendees are in shape and younger than I am. I know as an adult that there is little to nothing they can do to me, however that doesn’t stop all the fear from forming, so this is another problem with my motivation in getting myself to the gym. I’m going to keep going because I know that i’m doing this for me, but that fear of judgement wont go away completely, and that’s a shame. However I did experience a personal victory. Exercise ball knee tucks, is what they’re called I think. You get in the pushup plank position but your shins are on a tall inflatable exercise ball. You then draw your knees to your chest and back. This exercise hurts your abs not during but after. Also if your ballance sucks you fall a lot. Which leads me back to my title, Exercise balls are bullshit.